I have suffered from Anxiety since my oldest daughter was born in 2001. It was so bad after she was born that I didn’t even want to leave the house to go buy groceries. I would feel sick to my stomach and the fight or flight feeling would kick in. I only felt safe at home but that isn’t any way to live. There were several times that I thought Todd and Emily would be better off without me and contemplated suicide. But I loved them so much that it made me more miserable to think about the pain that I would cause them. So I decided to hide my anxiety and try to control it the best that I could. I eventually ended up taking Zoloft to help me cope. Then I got pregnant with Nicole and the doctor took me off the Zoloft but during the last couple months of my pregnancy I started having anxiety attacks again. The doctor then put me back on Zoloft and I began feeling a little better.So for years I struggled going to doctor and dentist appointments for myself and the girls. I also struggled with going on dates with Todd or going out with friends or even attending family functions. Traveling was the hardest thing for me. The many “what if” statements began to come into my head and fear and anxiety wold sink in and the fight or flight feelings would arise.
I struggled with these feelings for many years off an on. At one point I began feeling pretty good and was able to go out, go on vacations, take the girls to appointments, and felt like my anxiety was under control and at a normal level. So I decided to go off my Zoloft and did great for about six months and then my severe anxiety came back in full force. It was so bad that I couldn’t go to my grandmother’s funeral, we didn’t go to our Colorado vacation, I didn’t take Emily to get her wisdom teeth out, or take Nicole for her muscle frenum procedure, and many appointments and family functions. My parents helped me out by taking the girls to many appointments. I began using essential oils (www.mydoterra.com/tamaradmckee) to help me cope with these anxious and depressing feelings. I have learned so much by using DoTerra Essential Oils, more about that in another post. And I have resently became a Beautycounter consultant (www..beautycounter.com/tamaramckee). Beautycounter is a company that is dedicated to educating and increasing the awareness of the exposure of toxic chemicals through skincare and cosmetic products. They have created safer and effective skin care and cosmetics for women and families, more about that in another post.
This whole time I have been off and on with my Bible Studying and time in the Word. I started reading a book called Who Switched Off My Brain? by Caroline Leaf Ph.D. It was a great book to help me rewire my thinking and during the book I felt God’s nudging me to start a blog. So this is why I began blogging, to get my story out there with hopes that it may help someone and the bonus is that I can get these thoughts, fears and worries out of my head. I still struggle with anxiety on a daily basis and it is very frustrating. It is my hope that one day I will live a life free of such severe anxiety and be able to enjoy the things that God has blessed me with.